I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
