Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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