watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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