Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
