Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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