nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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