dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
