My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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