Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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