I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize