before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
