Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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