I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
