Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
