i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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