Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
