matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
