Pappa wants mamma naked
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
