Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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