I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
