i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
