I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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