how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
