I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
do herpes really smell.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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