I cockslap morals
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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