I wanna bring you to show and tell
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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