is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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