You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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