So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize