Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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