K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
