laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
