I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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