I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
