I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
so much tequila, so little girl.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You did what with his pubic hair?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize