Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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