When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
