Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize