her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
