is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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