My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
