No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She announced her abortion via fbk
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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