why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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