I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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