I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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