i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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