I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
