the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
