the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
