She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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