we should wear snuggies to the strip club
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
