This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
