p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just want to make out with him forever
Randomize
