There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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