I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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