anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How naked do you want me to be?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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