That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
