great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize