is your mom at the bar?
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
