hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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