I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
