As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
