I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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