I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
