He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
