Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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