Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Panties = found
Randomize
