well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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