OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
