Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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