Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You pole danced in your parka.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Randomize
