sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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