I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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