Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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