how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
