dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want to make a zoo with you.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
