Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
