Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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