I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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