mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
