there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
