meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
