Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
