U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
