I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
