oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
two words: eviction party
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
