Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
