there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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