so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
