She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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