grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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